


I'll Care For You

by louistomlinsons



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:31:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louistomlinsons/pseuds/louistomlinsons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why are you going to jump?” And the question is genuine, so sincere. It breaks Niall’s heart - this stranger caring more than his family ever did.</p>
<p>“No one cares about me.”</p>
<p>“I do.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Care For You

Niall likes to consider himself a pretty carefree guy. Well, not that he’s ever had a reason to actually, you know, care. He has himself a great life - beautiful girls, loyal friends, loving family. There’s not a reason in the world he would care about…anything. He just goes about and does whatever the hell he wants and no one stops him.

It’s not like anyone thought he’d ever have a reason to stop being carefree.

\- - -

It starts when he comes out of the closet, to his family first. They’re shocked (“what about all those girls?” but they accept him nonetheless. His friends come next, and they’re accepting well enough. The whole school - and maybe the town - figures it out when he’s caught on a date with another lad.

At first, everyone avoids him. That he can deal with, he’ll just assume they’re surprised, want a little while to take it in. But after weeks of solitude, he’s not sure how much more he can take of it.

He’d love every second of the solitude if he knew what was coming next.

\- - -

Those weeks of solitude end, and Niall realizes - too late - that they were a gift he should have enjoyed. But it’s way too late now, he can’t turn back time, so he walks through the hallways with his head down and books clutched to his chest.

At school his friends ignore him and expect him to want to hang out with them later. His own family refuses to go out with him in public, and when they do, they turn a blind eye to the names he’s called.

People call him mean things, but they especially like the word ‘faggot.’ Where he threw around the word before, he realizes now the impact it can have on some people. He vows never to use the word again.

He chooses to suffer in silence, not to speak out against it, because it’s not like anyone would help him. But it gets worse as time goes on and he wonders if he’ll ever smile again - if anyone will ever say a nice thing to him again.

Probably not.

\- - -

He feels worthless. He feels fat. Ugly. Pathetic. So many things for the way he feels, and not a word will do it justice. It’s so painful, so walk around with all this hate he has for himself and all the hate everyone else has for him. 

And he can’t take it any more, one day, so he grabs a blade and destroys his wrist. He writes words to describe himself, the very words he thinks of himself as. It only causes him to hate himself more - why can’t he be stronger? why does he destroy himself like this?

And his wrists aren’t enough any more, and he uses the rest of his body for his canvas. He’s got freak written three times on his stomach, fat written once on each thigh. His wrists call him ugly and worthless, and the scars say enough in themselves.

It only hurts him more.

\- - -

He stops eating - finally decided to do something about being fat. Nobody takes notice, of course they don’t. And when he does eat they pretend not to hear the sound of vomiting coming from the bathroom. His family doesn’t care any more and he has no one tell about it.

He’s not sure what hurts more - the vomiting, his empty stomach, the blade on his skin, or the loneliness.

\- - -

His family goes on vacation, to the beach. They stay in a hotel, because beach houses are too hot and way too expensive. Niall’s surprised he was even invited, thought they didn’t care. But his mom gives him a sad smile and says “I miss you,” and he caves.

Though how can she miss him when he’s right here?

\- - -

He has to get away, away from his family. They’re too much, too energetic, too loving. He starts to think maybe it’s him who’s been ignoring them, not the other way around.

But they’re too much, either way. They’re exactly the way he would have been before - before all this happened. 

And he can’t take it, has to get away.

\- - -

He finds himself on the roof, wind blowing through his hair. It’s cold, dirty, and he feels even more alone watching the cars zoom by below. So many people going about their daily business and not even knowing about the boy on the roof. The boy who’s battling with himself.

He hopes the wind will knock him over from his perch on the very edge. He wants this to all be over, all his suffering to end. ‘It gets better.’ When? Days? Weeks? Months? Years?

He wants it better now.

\- - -

He convinces himself to jump when he’s startled from behind. The surprise is almost enough to knock him over - he probably would have fell if it weren’t for strong hands on his waist. They’re warm, strong. The warmth seeps through his shirt, swallows him whole.

The hands let go of him, though, when they’re sure he’s not going to fall over.

“Are you going to jump?” a voice asks, enough for Niall to know this stranger is male. He only nods, arms wrapping around himself. He can feel his ribs, something that’s never happened before, but he still isn’t skinny enough.

“Why are you going to jump?” And the question is so genuine, so sincere. It breaks Niall’s heart - this stranger caring more than his family ever did.

“No one cares about me.” His voice sounds weird, after months of disuse. He wants to cry because it almost hurts to speak. 

“I do.”

“Do you really?” Niall continues to use his rusty voice. “Because my family cared. My friends cared. But where are they now?”

“I don’t know, you’ll have to tell me that. Where are they?” This stranger is trying to distract him, Niall knows. But he doesn’t care, it’s nice to have someone else take his pain, even if only for a little bit.

“Gone.” The word rips itself from his throat. He doesn’t know when he started crying, but now that he’s begun he can’t stop.

“Come down from the ledge, please. We’ll talk.” The stranger is pleading, and he feels a hand on his waist again. The warmth is back.

“Okay.”

\- - -

His name is Zayn, Niall learns. He’s got three sisters and a loving mother and father. He’s a mess of quiffed-up raven hair, dark eyes that manage to shine like the stars, and perfect tan skin - not a blemish in sight.

He tells Zayn everything, right from the beginning. And Zayn gives him the best gift of all.

He cares.

\- - -

They don’t live too far away from each other, and they make sure to spend a week together at least once a month. During the summer, Niall spends a whole month with Zayn’s family, crying once he has to leave.

They go to the same college, take the same courses. They get their first job in the same place, as well. One would think they’d get sick of each other, but their bond only gets stronger.

The two never argue - bicker maybe, argue no - generally agreeing on everything. Every now and then there will be a squabble over what movie to watch, but it’s solved easily - ‘we’ll watch both movies.’

Niall begins to feel safe.

\- - -

They graduate and move into a flat together, share a bedroom. Zayn peppers Niall with love. He kisses the blonde’s forehead before they fall asleep, holds him tight at night, holds him even tighter in the morning.

Niall’s scars begin to fade, some of them disappearing forever. The words disappear for the most part, only the faint whiteness on his skin remaining. Zayn kisses where they used to be.

He gains weight, too, and Zayn comments on it with a proud smile. Zayn’s always there, cheering him on and caring. Something no one else bothered to do. 

Niall begins to feel loved.

\- - -

There’s kissing and sex and dates and talk of marriage. It’s all so perfect, Niall and Zayn’s relationship. He doesn’t think anything could be more perfect.

But it is, when they finally get to say ‘I do’ and they’re actually each other’s forever. 

Zayn worries that Niall will get bored and leave, but Niall assures him with a kiss that he’ll stay as long as the raven-haired boy will have him. Zayn says it works that way with him, too, and they make love on the soft sheets. Not under them, because it’s quite hot.

\- - -

They grow old together, and tell their children the story of how they met. Their youngest, Chelsea, rolls up her sleeve and shows her scars. They’re new and Niall breaks into sobs and they assure the girl that they’re always available to talk. They’re always here.

Their children are never afraid to come and talk to them after that, knowing their father was bullied as well. They’re never bullied to the extent that Niall was - never more than any other child really has to go through.

But they work through it, nonetheless.

\- - -

Niall cries when Zayn walks his youngest down the aisle. He walked their other daughter down the aisle, so it’s only fair Zayn gives away Chelsea. She trips, and everyone laughs. There’s stories to tell and wine and everyone gets drunk off their asses.

\- - -

Zayn sobs when he enters his bedroom and Niall doesn’t know who he is and why he’s there. The greying blonde shouts for him to get out or he’ll call the cops. Niall is put in a nursing home and it only gets worse from there.

He dies not ever remembering who Zayn is.

\- - -

Zayn goes quickly after, struck with cancer. He’s too weak to fight it, not that he really wants to.

He’s finally reunited with Niall. They get to spend their forever young again and watching after their children. 

Things stay the same and they change, but everything’s the way it should be.


End file.
